Friday, May 21, 2010

Sinking In and The Big Question

So here we are. Thirty-six weeks.

After tomorrow's party (4 year olds! A pinata! Balloon animals! Face painting!), I will have gotten through this busy spring and will be ready to focus on Project Baby. I've started to pull things up from the basement, dust off the car seat, and collect diapers at deep discount. One unfortunate consequence was that after 7 loads of laundry, our washer spit at me, rolled over, and died. (At least it was after the 7 loads instead of before)

We still haven't decided on a name. We have some that we have agreed that we both like, but still nothing that we're sure we love. I have a feeling it's going to be a game-time decision.

But it's starting to sink in. I know it seems silly that it would need to sink in, considering the size of the belly. But it really hasn't. It's easy when you have two littles to focus on the craziness of day to day life and lose sight of the new life that's about to rock the boat.

And my overall thought is: oh my gosh - wait! I forgot what the last month of pregnancy is like, and I'm scared about labor and delivery, and how will I handle the demands of a newborn with these other two running around?

But I'm also getting excited. I look forward to seeing who this baby is, getting to know his preferences and quirks, seeing how Katy and David react to him, and taking cute little pictures of him. I enjoy getting out all the baby equipment and anticipating the little tike putting it to good use.

Then there's the Big Question. It's a sensitive question, and I hesitate to mention it in some ways. But of course it's on my mind as I approach the end of this pregnancy. Is this the end of the child-bearing road? In many ways, this could definitely be it. And many people would think it was crazy to consider otherwise. But there's a part of me (well, us) that can't be sure just yet. A corner of my heart has wanted four kids since I was a teenager, but that was before I knew the reality of parenthood. And it seems tough to totally close that window, to put an end to that season of life. Obviously it has to be done at some point, though, and the reality of three kids may solidify that decision for us. But we shall see. I wonder if I would feel differently heading into this delivery if I felt confident that it was my last.

Either way, we're weeks away from becoming a family of five, and for that, I am tremendously thankful. And nervous. And excited.


bluedaisy said...

Such an exciting time!! And the BIG decision does sort of loom in your thoughts no matter what, right? Unlike lots of people, I love the newborn phase so I have severe baby-fever even while severely sleep deprived. As Chloe is growing and showing her first signs of independence, I feel like we are good with 3. But there is still that little part of my mind that thinks, "one more?"...even in all the chaos. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to decide right now--enjoy the moment & the anticipation of this new life who is about to join you in a new way!
PS- You will be a rock star during labor/delivery so don't fret too much!!

Giselle said...

Wow! I can't believe how close you are! So exciting.

I don't think you'll know for a while if you are done or not. You shouldn't judge it now...if I had made the decision while pregnant I would have stopped at one ;)

Best wishes getting through to the end!

Charity said...

Don't decide yet... but if you must, four is better than three! ;-)

Pamela said...

You have lots of time to make that decision later. This is silly but years ago I met a woman at an amusement park and she had 3 kids, so one always had to sit on their own on the roller-coaster. I always think about that for some reason - not that that should influence you in any way! ;-)