First Day of Preschool

I've been thinking about this day off and on since Kelsey wrote this post about her daughter's first day of preschool. I remember that was the first time it really hit me that eventually, at some point, there would be a part of my daughter's day of which I was not aware. Not in charge. Not directing. At the time Katy was 20 months old and I couldn't imagine it. My gut reaction was: NO! Whenever it is, it's too soon! I can't do it!

But today was the first step in that direction. I dropped her off at preschool, left her there, and came back to pick her up - a whole hour and a half later (today was called a "gentle start." most days are 2 and a half hours). Of course I've been away from her for longer than that before, but this was different. The teachers will be regular, instructional, authoritative people in her life over the next few months. This is school. The beginning of a new rhythm to our years from here on out.

But you know what? We were totally ready. She was ready. I was ready. Shoot, David and Brian were ready. Call me a cold-hearted snake (look into his eyes), but I really wasn't sad. I was proud and excited. I felt confident that this was the time and the right place for our family. She's been asking about this for months, she wasn't nervous at all. She ran into the room and I had to ask her to come back and give me a hug and a kiss. She jumped up and down when I came back to get her, and we talked all the way home about her day. Here's the conversation (roughly), which included more information than I thought I would get:

M: So what did you do at school?

K: I listened to my teachers! I made a hand[print]! Mrs. G helped me!

M: Was it a kissing hand? (this was on the calendar)

K: Yes!

M: Did you read a story about a kissing hand?

K: Yes!

M: Why was it a kissing hand? (I really had no idea)

K: Because the mommy bear kissed with her hand like this (kisses palm)...(I see now that it's a raccoon instead of a bear)

M: What else did you do?

K: Had snack! I don't know what it was. Something like cookies or something.

M: Did you have circle time?

K: No, just story time.

M: Did you sing songs?

K: No.

M: Did you play with friends?

K: Yes, but I don't know who.

M: Did you share?

K: (change in tone) Yes...but Mommy? I was trying to make a pattern with the butterflies and I took some from that other girl's pile and she took them back from me, and THAT MAKES ME VERY ANGRY!

She used that line about "making her very angry" several times today, usually when David was taking something of hers, so I have a feeling that was harped on today at school. I'm not sure if it was directly to Katy or to the class in general. Eeesh.

I'm sure the novelty will wear off, but she and David have been in such a good mood today. They've been playing and laughing, even though we've been stuck inside because of rain. Maybe we're all just a little bit excited about this new season. Not to be getting my hopes up, but I think it will be good for our family.

A Heroine in My Book

(Quick side note: I took Katy to meet her teachers and see her classroom today for preschool. She is SO excited. She keeps wanting to look at the calendar to find out what day she gets to go to school and stay by herself.)

I was awake for an hour and a half in the middle of the night last night thinking about someone that I ran into yesterday. I can't stop thinking about her, in fact. If a heroine is "a woman of distinguished courage or ability, admired for her brave deeds and noble qualities," then she is one, indeed. If you have a few minutes, make sure and read to the end, because there are a couple of surprises along the way.

When Katy was an infant, I was in a woman's Bible study at church. There was another woman in this study who I'll call M. She was very interesting because she was from England, and she had met her American husband over the internet while seeking technical support for a computer. At the time of the study, she had a preschool aged daughter, a 10 month old girl, and she was in the middle of a Surprise! pregnancy - which turned out to be twins. The twins were supposed to be 14 months younger than her younger daughter. Ooops. Throughout the study, my impression of M was that she was overwhelmed, somewhat negative and sarcastic, but polite. I don't mean this in a judgemental way, because you could certainly use that sentence to describe me at times. But it was very apparent that she was having trouble adjusting to the situation she had found herself in.

Shortly after the study ended, we started getting emails about M. A problem came up in her pregnancy. The twins had a rare condition in which they were not sharing nutrients equally (<---- extremely simplified explanation), and the prognosis was not good. She delivered the twins extremely early - I believe it was 25 or 26 weeks, and a very long NICU stay began. One of the boys lived for one month, and then he passed away. Even though I barely knew M, I bawled when I found out. It just seemed like her world was crashing down around her. I had heard through the grapevine that the other baby boy had come home eventually, but I hadn't heard about or seen her since then.

So last night we went to church to register Katy for a children's program there. When we entered the chaotic classroom, I was talking to the teacher and trying to keep the kids from running wild. As I finished my conversation, I looked over to see Katy talking to a woman and her small son, who was in a wheelchair. Katy must have asked her about the boy, because the woman was saying things like, "His arms and legs don't work as well as yours, but he understands you if you say hello," etc. I realized after a moment's pause that this woman was M. As I walked over, I saw her son for the first time, now 2 and a half. I've worked with kids with disabilities for years, so I could tell that he was very involved. Cerebral palsy, feeding tube, hearing aids, nonverbal - the clinician in my head made note.

I didn't say anything at first. I assumed she wouldn't recognize me, and she was doing an incredibly amazing and gracious job talking to Katy - showing her how she could feel the extra air coming from his oxygen tank, etc. I took the opportunity to meet her beautiful boy, who was so smiley it was contagious.

But then she looked up and shrieked, "Don't I know you?! From Bible study?" and was so genuine and wanted to know about the kids, etc. So then I asked her, which of her kids would be here in Katy's class (for 3 and 4 year olds). She pointed over to a 3 year old girl sitting in a bean bag chair, wearing one of these:

It turns out that her 3 year old got hit by a boat swing carrying 100 pounds worth of children and snapped her femur in half. She's already been in the cast for 7 weeks, and they are estimating 3-4 more months. Just as I thought my jaw couldn't hit the floor harder...

She then walks across the room and picks up a baby hiking backpack with a baby girl inside. "Wait a minute! Is she yours, too?" I ask her. "Yes," she smirks, "I slipped her in under the radar. She's 12 months."

So for those of you keeping score, that means she has:

* 6 year old girl

* 3.5 year old in a lower body cast

* 2.5 year old with multiple disabilities.

* 12 month old.

But all of that isn't what makes her a heroine. Challenging circumstances alone doesn't make her a woman of distinguished character. But here's what I can't stop thinking about: she was absolutely radiant. I can't think of a better word to describe her than JOYFUL. In fact, she seemed like a different person than the one I had known a few years ago. I barely recognized her demeanor. Despite all of the trials she has endured, she actually seems like she is happier now than she was then. Is this possible?

And if so...why? Of course I don't know her well enough to even guess. Is it perhaps true "that which does not kill us makes us stronger"? Or did her experience deepen her faith, so that she is relying so deeply on God that the burden is lifted? Or was she just so tired and scared when she was pregnant that it masked the true M, who has always been this joyful?

I don't know, of course. When I said to her, "I don't know how you are even here?" and she said, "You know, people say that to me all the time. And my only answer is that I have to be. I could either curl up into a ball on the floor and cry, or I could smile, be thankful, and get through the day. How can I not be happy with this (motioning toward her 4 children)?"

So I'm thinking a lot about M. I fear that given those types of circumstances, I would chose the crying over the smiling. I want to be more like her. Even now. Distinguished courage and noble qualities. Joyful, radiant. That is my sincere prayer.

First Pair of Sneaks

With the cooler weather this week, I put David in his new sneakers. Since I'm not a big fan of shoes on babies, this is the first pair he's worn. (I found them at a garage sale earlier this summer for $1.75! They're brand new! Although I may regret the ties.)

I got to thinking about how many pairs of sneakers he's going to wear in his life. And how tiny these are compared to whatever size he gets up to. And wondering what kinds of things he'll do in his sneakers in years to come.

He looks like such a big boy.

You'll also notice in this photo:

1) He's swimming in his fall clothes. I bought 2T last spring on clearance thinking that his rate of growth from the first year would surely put him in a 2T. These pants are one of the few pairs of 18 month hand me downs we have. Of course, any kid with [maiden name] blood will be destined to roll their pants and sleeves. That's a given.

2) His busted lip, which he acquired after tripping on the driveway the other night (wearing his summer shoes, can't blame the sneaks). I remember posting about a beat-up looking Katy when she was about this age.

And I'm such a mean mom...I won't let him play with the camera!!