Here we go again...

Katy just woke up screaming...temp is 104.5. At least this explains a few things from the past 24 hours. But I really hope and pray that I can keep the worrying to a reasonable minimum this time.

I'm feeling pouty...should we just become hermits or what?

Worried sick...

Here the lesson I've learned this past week: you cannot will away the winter sickies. At the beginning of last week, after a week of wellness, I was thinking, "Ah, see? It's spring! We've made it! We've had every virus we can get for this year, so we're safe at this point - homefree!"

You can imagine what happened next. I've spent the past several days nauseous with worry about my David. Here's how the week played out:

Sunday: unusual diapers

Monday: got some shots at his well-visit

Tuesday: low grade fever, which I thought was due to the shots or possibly the 4 molars he seems to be cutting

Wednesday: felt a little warm, but not warm enough to worry about

Thursday: by the afternoon, he had a fever over 101. He was also pretty fussy, and I was starting to wonder if this was more than teething.

Friday afternoon: fever in the neighborhood of 102, and not controlled by ibuprofen. I put him to bed knowing his medicine would run out within a couple of hours. I left for the grocery store.

Friday night: as I got back from the store, David was waking up crying, and I went to give him some more medicine. I picked him up and panicked - I have never felt such a hot temperature. The thermometer read 104.8. Brian put the cold food in the fridge while I called the pediatrician to see if we needed to go to the urgent care. But he talked me down off the ledge and said to bring him into the office in the morning if he still had a fever.

Saturday morning: fever still 104. Took him into the peds' office. (do kids have this switch that brings their temp down 4 or 5 degrees when they set foot in a doctor's office or what?). They said he must have a virus, maybe like Roseola, that causes high fevers, which tend to spike at night. So I calmed down quite a bit.

Saturday afternoon: while cruising around, David fell and hit his head on the table. It was a fairly hard hit, hard enough to leave a bruise on his temple. Because of the recent media about silent head injuries (google "richardson saves life"), Brian and I spent the next two days watching him closely for anything unusual.

Sat. night: more fever, fussiness.

Sunday: finally no fever, but cranky and fussy as all get out. A couple of crying jags caused further worry.

Sunday night: I went in to check on him before I went to bed and thought he was breathing hard. Went to bed with a bunch of questions about asthma in my mind. Will he wake up crying if he's having breathing trouble? How will I know if he needs help? Between that and the bruise on his head, I was awake until 1:30, tossing and turning and just...worried sick.

Today: he's fine. No fever. No rash (guess it wasn't roseola). Bruise looks better. Breathing normally.

So where did all of that worrying get me? I'm in the same place today that I would have been had I not worried a bit. But no matter how rationally I understand that, I can't get past it. I spend a good bit of time imagining all the obstacles and barriers that could possibly stand between my kids and their own healthy adulthood. Is this normal or irrational fear? Am I destined to have these thoughts until they're 18? 30? 60?

So long, good friend

I haven't watched an episode of ER in 3 years. When Carter left and I was pregnant (and thus couldn't stay up that late), our relationship ended. But last night was the series finale. And for an hour before the show, they had a bunch of the old actors reminiscing and showing old scenes from the show. We watched it, and wow, it was like reconnecting with an old friend.

For 10 years, from 1995-2005, I think I missed 2 - that's TWO - episodes of ER. I don't typically get so entrenched in TV shows, but I was obsessed. I felt emotionally attached to the characters, and I was glued to the screen every Thursday evening for 60 minutes - (or at least had the VCR set, worst case scenario).

And I'm not a crier, especially not for TV and movies. But Holy COW, I have shed some serious tears watching this show. I will never forget how I bawled the time that Carter got stabbed and fell to the ground, only to see Lucy stabbed and lying on the floor across from him. While my friend Maureen and I watched the credits roll by in silent tears, the phone rang and our friend Cathy was crying on the other line. And I got chills every time I heard that song that was playing when it happened.

I remember really sincerely looking forward to watching the show every week, and I would be downright giddy while it was on. And people used to talk about it on Fridays, remember? Lots of people used to watch it, which was obviously why it was on so long. The show used to be in the Thursday line-up with Friends and Seinfeld - can you imagine?? Classic shows that have been long off the air, and ER, of all of them, went 15 years.

I was reminded last night, however, of one downfall of watching the show. On the finale, a woman was in a car accident while driving herself to the hospital to give birth to twins, her 4th and 5th children. Of course, in true ER form, she bleeds out all over the place and ends up dying in the OR, leaving her husband with these 5 small children to care for. That kind of thing will keep me up for several nights, and will stick in my memory for a long time. I think that ER has actually played a detrimental role in the management of my anxiety over the years. Various scenes and lines from the show about all the potential trauma that could happen to someone will play out in my mind on a regular basis. Especially when I'm pregnant or giving birth. I can probably drum up 10 different birth-related traumas from various episodes of that show. Oh, have mercy, why does my mind resonate on these things for so long?


And the characters - such classics! I was truly sad when they killed off Dr. Romano. He was the biggest Jerk to ever walk the planet, but boy, was he entertaining. And Dr. Greene, who didn't love him? Elizabeth, Dr. Benton, Carrie, Doug. I know this sounds pitiful, but I felt like I knew these people!

So I just thought it was appropriate to pay a little homage to this show that so strongly affected me. Thanks for years of great entertainment, so long!